{4am Sunday morning before leaving to the hospital}Do you know what is ridiculous? Moving. Yes, friends. M-O-V-I-N-G. Remember I was pregnant, exactly 39 weeks pregnant. "Do you know what is ridiculous?" my husband asked. To which I shoved a cinnamon bun in my mouth and waited most patiently for his response. "Packing with a pregnant woman!" Oh, but he was right! Here he was, filling box after box and loading the U-haul, while I spaced out contemplating what I wanted for dinner. In my defense, I couldn't help it. I needed lots of snack breaks, I couldn't lift heavy things, and I didn't bother bending over because, tell me, what was the point? I couldn't lift anything. I was supposed to "take it easy" remember?
I woke up at 3:30 Sunday morning having contractions, I finished packing my hospital bag and got into the shower. I started timing my contractions.... four minutes apart, and suddenly I felt the need to go to the hospital immediately. I didn't really know why, I was still feeling just slightly off, and my tingly heart flutters felt wrong.
I was admitted to Labor and delivery at 5am with really high blood pressure and contractions every four minutes. The nurse hooked me up to the fetal monitor and started the whole admission and history process, she proceeded to check me-- I was dilated to a four and 80% effaced. It was at that moment I realized that this was indeed the real thing. I was in labor. The day had finally arrived. Today was the day I would meet my son! The nurse placed the IV and dutifully sent the first dose of Pitocin through my IV. "You are already in active labor so we'll do a low dose of Pitocin, we'll go slow" she said. I had heard nasty rumors about that Pitocin garbage, about the painfully long contractions, the too-short breaks between, and the marathon of labor that accompanies. I had spent months preparing mentally and spiritually to understand natural pain and felt somewhat enlightened on the subject but I was intimidated by the potential pain, at that moment it seemed so daunting.
My husband and I decided to take a nap. We were so exhausted from moving into our new house the previous days, we thought it was best for my body to go into labor well-rested. It was 7am now and after only two doses of Pitocin I was starting to really feel my contractions. Hot and heavy and tight, they'd swoop over me and I'd have to stop talking, stop thinking even, to focus. I looked at my husband in excitement. Now these are contractions! And they were coming on fast, every two minutes. I breathed through them and I felt alive. My husband got up from the hospital couch-bed and assumed his father-to-be duty of holding my hand during contractions and feeding me ice chips. And then another contraction hit and I couldn't sit still anymore. I needed to writhe. So I scooted my bum on a chair and swayed my knees in the air and even in the middle of the ridiculous pain my husband and I started laughing at how silly I looked.
And then, suddenly, I was there. You know, there. That point where it is too much, too hard, and you are shaking and scared and you feel like you can't do it? If I had hours to go I knew I needed an Epidural, because these contractions were making my teeth hurt, and that meant they could get worse. From everything I'd read, I knew it was transition. Or, I knew it could be transition. But what did I know? this was my first baby, and I'd probably be here until Kingdom Come. I knew something was happening, but I didn't know that I knew for sure, and ouch ouch ouch! my brain wasn't working anymore. I was sweating and shaking and I was thinking horribly irrational thoughts, like maybe I was about to die! Maybe he might never come out!
It was 8:30am now, still swaying on the chair, fluid started leaking down my legs and worse, into a puddle on the floor. At that point in my life I had never felt more physically uncomfortable. My husband ran to find the nurse."Her water broke!!" he yelled. The nurse rushed in, I was moaning and groaning "am I getting close?" I asked "Let's get you back on the bed and I'll check you, but I'd say you are very close" she said. "Well, what am I at?" I asked in frustration. I was starting to get incredibly demandy about things. She stared at the ceiling. "Ten!" I was indeed fully dilated and effaced.